I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
