She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
