Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
