just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
