my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
