Banned from zoo.
Again?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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