Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
