Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
