Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize