I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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