you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize