turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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