And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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