just come out here and I will go home with you...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
