He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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