Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
