oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
