wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
