You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
