I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
