ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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