We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
