Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
