And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
its liver damage thursday
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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