Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
