i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
