sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
