i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
