You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
