I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize