I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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