I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
