My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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