tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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