please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
