Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
...so i touched it.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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