So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
