I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
