Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
