Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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