Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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