A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
