is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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