He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize