End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
