I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
