He kissed a someone with a penis
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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