Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
