Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize