maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
