She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
