First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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