I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it glows. i had to have it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
