i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
