She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize