went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize