Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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