apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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