she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
