ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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