Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
