Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
