ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
