After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
