I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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