you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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