Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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