shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
