see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
