You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
