This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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