It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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