I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
