You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
