A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
