lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize