Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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