eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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