At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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