I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
they're like a gay fantastic four
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
