OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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