chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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