I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
