if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
