remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
