so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
