we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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