I wannas sexs uuuuu
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
