Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i think i have two assholes
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Randomize
