I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
