no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
