The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
