i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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