She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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