1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
