just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
