Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
