I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
