I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
