Where is the hickey?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
