i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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