You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
