im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Tornado booty call.. dedication
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize