I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
