bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
